Why I receive telephone

Why I receive telephone calls asking for an explanation?. I didn’t offer the best version of myself on the phone because i got nervous from the start because i expected a different start. Didn’t i send the message with the explanation?, was not the message well explained?. I have been explaining for God knows how many years. I have been explaining in English, Spanish, Italian 24/7 for God knows how many years and I am not understood. Is it my fault or is it your fault?. The emotions get the better of me, and i lose control. Later i regret my performance and I lecture myself the same mistake will not happen again. And the same mistake happens again because i am a slow learner. Every fall hurts. How many times will i have to fall to learn not to fall?. I have to change my behavior, I need a change, I need a chance. I need to overcome the most severe censorship of knowledge in history. Why knowledge that saves lives is being censored?. To overcome a censorship the knowledge that is banned has to be shared to be known. The discovery of God has to be news. I need future generations to know the atheist logical fallacy. My truth is atheism is a logical fallacy that assumes God is the religious idea of the creator of the creation to conclude wrongly no creator exists because a particular idea of God doesn’t exist. If religion is false doesn’t make atheism true. Spinoza was right and many tragedies have happened since he discovered God exists because he was censored and not understood. Do you understand?. Thank you.