I am a psychologist and I want to help you. Religion and atheism are costing you your mental health, economy and eternal wellbeing because God exists and the intelligent creator of the universe is not what atheists call “sky daddy”. Religion and atheism are misunderstandings of reality harmful to God. The horrible reality that atheists and religious people sell doesn’t exist. God exists because logically the creation or finitude can not exist without the creator or infinitude. God exists because from nothing can not be created something, and you don’t have to believe me, you have to understand me thinking for yourself. Have you read Spinoza? Spinoza was a rational philosopher, like me. Your God doesn’t exist because we have free will, therefore the future of life can not be known. If the future was known reality would be determined, and the argument is definitive! Why do you think your God exists? Since you are making sacrifices for your God you should have a reason to think your God exists. Thank you.
Judging by what you said I suspect you suffered in the past from drug or alcohol addiction and you found Jesus to rescue you, that is the story of many other addicts from many other religions. If you still struggle with addiction problems I can help you. God is the solution to all the problems, the real God, Spinoza’s and my God. Thank you.