I want to die old and leave a beautiful corpse

I want to die old and leave a beautiful corpse. I want my story to be joyful, entertaining, love, and i live wanting to die and rest. I am a poet and artist searching for beauty and tranquility in a horrible world. I am a psychologist and person of many talents, not a charlatan looking for attention. I prefer to sleep to live and I wake up wanting to sleep. I am empty inside, without wanting. I am depressed, down, defeated. You win and I lose. Do you want a world with more or less Islam or Christianity? How is life with christians or muslims? Do you want your neighbor to be christian or muslim or jew? I am a person like you with feelings and emotions and I disagree with you. Why I am suffering the most severe and devastating censorship in history in front of your eyes, here and now after discovering God is necessary and atheism is a logical fallacy and other vital discoveries that are going unnoticed, censored, ignored, misunderstood and I hope not destroyed?. I need future generations to know I think atheism is a logical fallacy that assumes God is the religious idea of the creator of the creation to conclude wrongly no creator exists because a particular idea of God doesn’t exist. Emergency! The war must stop. Killing reality is literally killing God. I can not speak clearer. Trust me. Would you do me a favor and read Spinoza? It’s good for me and you. Spinoza was a good person. Thank you Spinoza. I owe Spinoza so much. If you think about what I said you would feel incredibly better. Thank you.